There's something about birthdays when you're young, but not a kid anymore that brings a whole new psychological challenge. All of a sudden, it's not just about a day to celebrate you, but it's a milestone in which you (or at least I do) consider where the heck I am in my life and how that not only compares to those around me, but how it compares to my goals for where I'd be by now,
Turning 22 was a walk in the freaking park. Before I turned 22, I had met all my lofty goals including graduating from college, traveling, moving out, buying a car, and starting my first career job and supporting myself in an apartment where I lived by myself. Now the reason these goals were so crucial to me was that most people did all these things when they were at least 22 or 23, but I (hehe) was sneaking it all in at 21. And in a way, this created highly unrealistic expectations for this past year leading up to turning 23.
Really, there was no topping this. I wasn't going to get promoted before I turned 23, or hit any other incredible milestones. I had all my opportunities to beat the mental race I had made by hitting all these milestones, and in the past year I've kind of just been figuring out what life looks like for a young self supporting human. Really the only goal I had for myself in the past year was to find a man and well we see how that went. Not well, my friend. And with that as my only goal, I found myself trucking towards my 23rd birthday with fear because my one goal had been dismally un-reached. The other psychological stress was the fact that I have definitely lost in the relationship category this year. I was in three weddings, including my sister's in the past year of my life. And let's be real, there's just something about your sibling getting married that makes everyone say, and what are you doing?
I can't be too hard on myself, though. It's been a year of many small victories that have required work. Really it's been a work in progress year. I achieved my never-a-goal of not only starting my master's but getting through over half of it. I started playing tennis, and am not terrible. I've established myself at work as someone who is positive, hard working, and positioned for a great future. I've become established and comfortable in my life and my routine. Yes, I haven't achieved everything I hoped I would this year, but it's been a stellar year. I'm incredibly blessed to not still be searching for a job, or having been laid off, or quit my job because I'm not happy. In total, I really think I've handled the past year with determination and grace.
Playing tennis today, my friends told me once again that I have such a great knack for being patient in waiting for the ball, and having great aim and control of returning it accurately. They say my movements just look so graceful because of my height. And while I roll my eyes when they say this because I tend to be a hot mess at least 1/3 of the time, I hope this is true for my life as a whole. No, I'm not that patient, but yes I am working on it. Mostly I'm working on knowing that God's plans for me are far superior than my own, and that don't fix what isn't broke. Sometimes I get frustrated because I want to be married and want to move, but then I remember that I love my job, I like my apartment, and I love my schedule and all the opportunities I have each day in and outside of work. I'm working towards so many good things right now and the path has been smooth. For that I must be thankful. And shoutout to my ridiculous salary- you sir are helping me pay off a car in two years and be very financially comfortable. But seriously, a huge blessing. To whom much is given much is required.
So when I talk myself down, I realize turning 23 isn't so bad. I'm doing fine. In fact, I'm doing incredibly well. I'm staying hungry and working towards new goals, but I do have to appreciate all that I have been blessed with and achieved in the past year. So here's to another year and all that will come with it.
For fun, my big (and generally reachable) goals for this next year are:
Finish my MBA
Be promoted to a level 2 at work
Continue to let my nails grow out
Continue to improve at tennis
Continue to eat healthy and prioritize working out
Move (if possible. But seriously, I trust God on that one. And the man. Maybe he'll show up this year.)
And if not, He is still good.
(God, not the man LOL) (Though the man will hopefully be alright too, whenever he comes around)
Turning 22 was a walk in the freaking park. Before I turned 22, I had met all my lofty goals including graduating from college, traveling, moving out, buying a car, and starting my first career job and supporting myself in an apartment where I lived by myself. Now the reason these goals were so crucial to me was that most people did all these things when they were at least 22 or 23, but I (hehe) was sneaking it all in at 21. And in a way, this created highly unrealistic expectations for this past year leading up to turning 23.
Really, there was no topping this. I wasn't going to get promoted before I turned 23, or hit any other incredible milestones. I had all my opportunities to beat the mental race I had made by hitting all these milestones, and in the past year I've kind of just been figuring out what life looks like for a young self supporting human. Really the only goal I had for myself in the past year was to find a man and well we see how that went. Not well, my friend. And with that as my only goal, I found myself trucking towards my 23rd birthday with fear because my one goal had been dismally un-reached. The other psychological stress was the fact that I have definitely lost in the relationship category this year. I was in three weddings, including my sister's in the past year of my life. And let's be real, there's just something about your sibling getting married that makes everyone say, and what are you doing?
I can't be too hard on myself, though. It's been a year of many small victories that have required work. Really it's been a work in progress year. I achieved my never-a-goal of not only starting my master's but getting through over half of it. I started playing tennis, and am not terrible. I've established myself at work as someone who is positive, hard working, and positioned for a great future. I've become established and comfortable in my life and my routine. Yes, I haven't achieved everything I hoped I would this year, but it's been a stellar year. I'm incredibly blessed to not still be searching for a job, or having been laid off, or quit my job because I'm not happy. In total, I really think I've handled the past year with determination and grace.
Playing tennis today, my friends told me once again that I have such a great knack for being patient in waiting for the ball, and having great aim and control of returning it accurately. They say my movements just look so graceful because of my height. And while I roll my eyes when they say this because I tend to be a hot mess at least 1/3 of the time, I hope this is true for my life as a whole. No, I'm not that patient, but yes I am working on it. Mostly I'm working on knowing that God's plans for me are far superior than my own, and that don't fix what isn't broke. Sometimes I get frustrated because I want to be married and want to move, but then I remember that I love my job, I like my apartment, and I love my schedule and all the opportunities I have each day in and outside of work. I'm working towards so many good things right now and the path has been smooth. For that I must be thankful. And shoutout to my ridiculous salary- you sir are helping me pay off a car in two years and be very financially comfortable. But seriously, a huge blessing. To whom much is given much is required.
So when I talk myself down, I realize turning 23 isn't so bad. I'm doing fine. In fact, I'm doing incredibly well. I'm staying hungry and working towards new goals, but I do have to appreciate all that I have been blessed with and achieved in the past year. So here's to another year and all that will come with it.
For fun, my big (and generally reachable) goals for this next year are:
Finish my MBA
Be promoted to a level 2 at work
Continue to let my nails grow out
Continue to improve at tennis
Continue to eat healthy and prioritize working out
Move (if possible. But seriously, I trust God on that one. And the man. Maybe he'll show up this year.)
And if not, He is still good.
(God, not the man LOL) (Though the man will hopefully be alright too, whenever he comes around)